Grammar Rocks

Cooch
Today I saw this!

And this!


Cooch
They caused me internal seething, and the thought that, although Lynne Truss did an admirable job calling people’s attention to the misuse of apostrophes, maybe it’s time for a refresher lesson? Surely there must be a way to get this very simple rule across to people.


Bast
Maybe. But then, things move so fast these days that I think we have more tolerance for typos and grammar errors.

Bast
And by “we” I mean “them”.

Cooch
Should that be “they”?

Bast
Touché.

Cooch
Is it a question of time, really? I mean, as a person is setting up the laser or whatever they use to etch into a rock, knowing the engraving will be there for a good long while, surely they have time to check? And by the time they’ve done a dozen or so rocks, wouldn’t they get the rule? I mean, it’s a pretty constant rule.

Bast
Good point. I do find myself making more errors though. Maddening as a writer …

Cooch
Same. And I’ll admit there are some things I can never remember. Like when to use “whom”.

Cooch
So, I don’t want to sound cliche, but there should be an app for that.

Bast
Is there already an app for that, I wonder?

Cooch
There’s always spellcheck, I guess. But that really depends on user intelligence. This kind of transgression calls for something more aggressive – like you get an electric shock when you type things like “Used Book’s for sale”.

Bast
Grammarly is out there too.

Cooch
Have you used Grammarly?

Bast
I loaded it and then ignored it.

Cooch
Hahahaha.

Cooch
So maybe not an app then. Maybe the grammar police needs to be a real thing.

Cooch
We could cruise neighbourhoods filling in the stray apostrophes on rocks.

Bast
Kind of like the Spanish inquisition for grammar?
Bast
Because nobody expects them.

Cooch
Do we need to wear robes and hoods?

Bast
Well of course we do.
Bast
And staffs. We’ll need staffs. For bopping perpetrators (perps) over the head.

Cooch
Staffs! Sign me up! But I’m a little worried about the hooded robes being misunderstood. What about some fetching neckscarves instead? And we could chant …

Bast
Oooo. Fetching neckscarves. I like it.
Bast
Chanting seems a bit … Scientology-ish though.

Cooch
Okay. So minus the chanting and the hoods, we’ve got some bookish people in scarves wandering the streets armed with putty to cover over rogue punctuation and staffs … it’s Lynne Truss all over again!

Cooch
I always wondered if I’d find somewhere I belonged …

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